Tuesday, September 16, 2008


So, things have been sporadically a little on the rough side in the Adamson-John household as Dakotah learns the art of the (DARE I SAY IT) ......whispering....................tantrum......UGG! i SAID IT!.......well, I calls em as I sees em!!! Anyhew, we have been experiencing hitting, crying, demanding and downright uncharachteristic behavior....well, shall I say uncharacteristic for him thus far but (as everything I have been told and have read) NOT uncharacteristic for a 2 year old. So, to the point now....D and I went to the mall today to have a little outing and get a few things for our trip this weekend. My friend Jessie and her daughter met us for lunch and everything was going just great. After lunch we went to the little arcade that they have by the food cart. There are a few games there that D played once and he wanted to go back. I regret ever taking him in there because it's loud and franatic and it drives me crazy.......We made it kind of quick and I told D that it was time to pick his prize...he immediately began crying as if I told him he had to leave and never ever ever come back (I'm sure that's what it feels like to a 2 year old)...he got a prize from the nice young man behind the counter....not little tiny snakes like before but a carton with two airplanes in it. Before I knew it, D smacked me with the package....I told him (as always) that "we don't hit" and before I could get the "gentle touches please" out, he was hitting me repeatedly....We all walked out and I walked into a little hallway right outside the arcade where D proceeded to lay on his back on the floor, baseball hat over his head crying his eyes out....."I WANNA DO THE GAME"....there was no "talking" him through this one, no acknowledging that "It's hard to leave, but we can come back"....blah blah! All I could do was squat next to him and make sure he didn't crack his head on the concrete floor. Finally he started to sit up so I picked him up and started to put him in his stroller so we could leave......and BLAM!!! hit, hit, hit....Jessie's little 8 month old started crying and I felt like I was going to cry........DAMN!! this motherhood stuff is emotional! I was feeling bad for him, I was embarrassed, I was feeling bad that the baby was upset, I was feeling inadequate, I just wanted to get outta the food court...finally Jessie just helped get the stroller out and I carried D as he set his little head on my shoulder at which point I was sure that EVERY person sitting in the food court was looking at me wondering what the hell>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
So we get out to the car and D is upset that his little friend has to leave, he was crying, nose all snotty, looking at me like MOM DO SOMETHING and he turns around and waves, crying his eyes out and saying BYE BYE.....we went to the car and he plops in his car seat and says MILK....I rested my cheek on his and kissed him and said "Mama loves you baby"...he looked at me so quietly, big blue eyes staring into mine and I SAID TO MY SELF THIS TOO SHALL PASS......................I was driving home, feeling kind of sorry for myself for having some rough days....when I look up and see a truck flipped over on it's top, front end smashed and surely the driver went to the hospital and I thought "WELL, I GUESS MY DAY AIN'T GOIN' SO BAD"...there is something to say for PERSPECTIVE....

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Clarity, confusion, love and parenting

I have been SO nervous about this trip that we are taking this weekend.....Carrie has been a little nervous that I will be too preoccupied with how Dakotah is doing to have fun...I made a promise to myself that that would not happen. We need this trip! We need to have fun and remember why we fell in love. Parenting presents so many challenges and as a couple, we have found ourselves at times lost in the craziness of figuring out how to be the parents we we want be and while maintaining our lives as couple. At times, it has seemed impossible to do both but when you love someone the way that we love one another, you plug along day after day and do the best you can to figure it out. The demands of parenting are SO intense and so HUGE (can't think of a more articulate word at the moment) that there seems no other choice but to put your relationship on the back burner at times. Infancy demanded a lot of physical comittment and as a mama committed to attachment parenting, at the end of the day, I was TOTALLY exhausted and unable to give anymore of myself away. Now as the toddler years begin, not only are the physical demands still there (attachment parenting doesn't end in infancy):)!! but now there are mountains of emotional demands as we embark on the true development of Dakotah's personality. He is the most amazing, smart and FUN boy and I feel lucky EVERYDAY BUT at the same time, this "toddlerville" we have entered into is beyond exhausting some days and other days it's just plain ole' crazy.......and I am tired at the end of the day. I love being a mama but I also love being a partner and really want to find the time and the way to truly nurture both relationships at the same time without sacraficing one for the other....I WONDER IF THAT IS POSSIBLE.....??? I am so lucky to have a comitted, understanding partner that has allowed me (and us) to find the happiness in our lives and focus on the fortunes that have come upon us EVEN when it's not easy!!!!! AND TO ALL THE OTHER MOTHERS READING THIS...YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS THE MOST AMAZING REWARDING AND CHALLENGING POSITION I THINK WE WILL EVER HOLD IN THIS LIFETIME........cheers!!!

Friday, September 12, 2008


So, as I have heard from other mothers of toddlers say in so many words "where, Oh where has my little boy gone"?....I have had a few days of hitting, throwing, just plain ole crabbiness coming from my sweet son!!! It's exhausting and takes all of my energy to redirect, stay positive and redirect him proactively......I am thankful that in between these crazy moments, my articulate, loving, sweet CALM little boy shows his face! Otherwise, I'd surely be losing my mind....OK just had to vent for a minute.........

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Trying to prepare for first overnight away from Baby D

So we will be taking our first trip away from Dakotah on September 19th-21st. IT'S ONLY TWO NIGHTS but I have been nervous and anxious since making the hotel reservation in San Francisco. I know that this is a good thing for Carrie and I as a couple and that this will be much harder on me that on Dakotah (He will be in VERY good hands). So, I have been waiting for an opportunity to begin talking to Dakotah about this. We were driving to D's Auntie Bev's yesterday (which happens to be VERY close to the airport) and the planes are always flying very low....D notices them and always comments so this time I said "hey, baby do YOU want to go on an airplane".....D responds "UM, no I'M too big for an airplane"....hee!hee! that's funny!!! So, I say "Can Mama go on a plane and he looks at me and says "NOOO (as if to say silly, why would you do that_? then I say "What if Mama and Mima go on an airplane and you can stay with Bo Bo and TT....."??? HE quickly says "NAH, I think maybe not"!!! HE THINKS MAYBE NOT????? Well, good thing I have a couple more weeks before take off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cuz Mama and Mima ARE going on a plane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kids are SO damn CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!