Friday, October 24, 2008

IT SURE IS FUN HAVING AN EMPOWERED LITTLE ONE


So for exactly one week, I have had NO problems with my boy having any tantrums and he has hardly caused me any grief at all....is it a break or has he finally learned that I mean what I say and that he does have some control in this relationship?

I don't know the answer BUT I do know that it has been so nice to see him evolve even in the last week....so, here are some little changes I have made.. I've always been big on giving Dakotah choices and empowering him but for anyone who know me, I CAN TEND TO TALK TOO MUCH) I decided that less is more..less explanation, fewer choices about what to wear, what snack to have, etc.. (2 to be exact) and that FOOD is a must and on a schedule!!!! So, I have started to tell Dakotah in less words than before...you have a choice here..you can do X or mommy can help you...I will count to 3 and you decide....firmly, lovingly and like I mean it but not like he doesn't have a choice.....9 times out 10, by the time I say ONE, he has made his choice and it is usually to do it on his own..sure, I might have to repeat myself 5 times over the next hour or so BUT it's helping him to have control and learn how to make a good choice....I finally put the FIRM voice out there when he was hitting and just said NO! loudly and firmly.I did that maybe 3 times and he has not tried to hit me since..The biggest change has been with transitions which he has never liked...going from park to lunch...from toy store, home etc....now I give him 5 minute, 2 minute, 1 minute warning (may not be actual time but gives him time to process)..then we say GOODBYE (wherever we are) and that's it..we leave...NO PROBLEMS.....

I HAVE BEEN GIVING TONS OF PRAISE FOR MAKING A GOOD CHOICE, HAVING GOOD MANNERS, BEING A GOOD HELPER ETC....I have been amazed at what he has been doing on his own with NO prompting....

Some of the little things he has been doing that make our lives easier: letting me know when he is done in the bath (instead of me getting him out kicking and screaming after the water is freezing and there is no more hot water..(I got a plug that he can remove when he is done)..he pulls the plug and cleans up his toys and gets out).....cleaning up his toys when he is done b4 moving onto the next thing (mommy got even better organized and it makes sense to him so he does it), USING THE POTTY AND PUTTING ON A NEW DIAPER WITH LITTLE COAXING (I put pull-ups and regular diapers on the bottom shelf where he can reach and ask him to go get me a diaper..he picks which one he wants and brings it to me..NO HASSLE)..he has been SO proud of himself going on the potty (poop and pee)..I think he gets a kick out of dumping it in the toilet and flushing.....

HE HAS BEEN CONSISTENTLY SAYING PLEASE AND THANK YOU WHICH JUST TICKLES ME TO DEATH.........EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING HE REALLY NEEDS TO DO LIKE BRUSH HIS TEETH, HE SAY "NO THANK YOU.." I still make him do it but it's cute as hell..or "ready for your nap"..."no thank you mama"......and the cutest was when we were at the beach this weekend and I made blueberry pancakes for D and his friend Bryson and D asked me for some water PLEASE...and I was in the kitchen and he said thank you mama, thank you mama for the pancakes...and said thank you for the water........ah! the little things...

SO, THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS WHAT I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN ...WE, THE PARENTS ARE THE ONES WHO NEED TO BE TRAINED AND OUR CHILDREN WILL NATURALLY MAKE GOOD CHOICES AND FEEL EMPOWERED....I'm sure I haven't seen the end of the "NO" phase and the tantrums BUT I know we are making progress toward raising a good little boy with good manners and control in his little world and for today that makes me HAPPY!!!!

sorry this is long and maybe a little scattered but I have to do it fast while nap time is here!!!

5 comments:

Bobby Binko said...

WOW!! Your little boy is growing up. Sounds like he's doing a great job with learning to make decisions and having responsibilities. Just don't let him grow up too fast - he's too cute for that yet!!!

the Richardsons said...

Oh Shan. This is such good news! You are an amazing mama to him and OF COURSE you reassess when things need changing and OF COURSE you do so with compassion and trust. Love you guys!

Meg Weber Jeske said...

What a great post. The age difference between D and Q means that we are on the opposite end of that spectrum right now. It's like seeing the light at the end of a tunnel to read this.

Hooray for manners and being sweet and learning to make his own choices.

Love to all,
Meg

Margi said...

oh D! such a big boy!! and you are rocking Mama! love and miss u guys!!

Rick said...

Loving the parenting tips - will definitely borrow your hard-earned wisdom as we are entering the toddler years :O) D has such a great mama! Miss you!
Love, Annie